The Death of the Super Mom
Okay, I apologize ahead of time for the title! Don't shoot me.... But i'm so over the whole "super mom" mentality, aren't you?
Come one how many women can really have the career, keep their house spotless, transport kids to all sorts of activities, bake cookies and still have time for pedicures? And if they can, I see many therapy bills in their future...that may be going too far, maybe, but on a serious note I think there are too many expectations placed on women (particularly mothers) these days.
I see some women that seem so scared to be seen as anything less than the perfect mother and go to great lengths to make sure they keep their "super mom" title intact at all times. And for what? At the end of all this it's only women who place such high expectations on themselves that will suffer. Besides, there is no such thing as perfection, and do we really want to pass this on to our kids... that will be one big act to follow.
I have been enlightened in my 30s. In my late 20s I tried that super mom role for a while and it didn't fit me very well. I'm happy to say i'm enjoying my new role as "not so perfect" mom much more. My kids are happy, i'm happy, my husband is happy and that's all that matters.... who cares if the laundry doesn't get done or that I took my kids into school on teacher training day (better than not showing up right).
I'm also so happy that I have a few close friends who are always so quick to admit their imperfections. One who will very openly say "it's a thankless job" and when her teenage son acts up, what does she say? "I love him but I don't have to LIKE him do I?" .... yet, she's one of the best mothers I know (seriously).
We're all different yet as mothers we all love our children and would do anything for them. We don't need to prove it to the world, and the occcasional "I need a break, little Jimmy has been a nightmare today" doesn't do any harm, in fact it may help you feel less pressured or help another poor mom just starting out realize that it really is okay to throw the book out and wing it.
Come one how many women can really have the career, keep their house spotless, transport kids to all sorts of activities, bake cookies and still have time for pedicures? And if they can, I see many therapy bills in their future...that may be going too far, maybe, but on a serious note I think there are too many expectations placed on women (particularly mothers) these days.
I see some women that seem so scared to be seen as anything less than the perfect mother and go to great lengths to make sure they keep their "super mom" title intact at all times. And for what? At the end of all this it's only women who place such high expectations on themselves that will suffer. Besides, there is no such thing as perfection, and do we really want to pass this on to our kids... that will be one big act to follow.
I have been enlightened in my 30s. In my late 20s I tried that super mom role for a while and it didn't fit me very well. I'm happy to say i'm enjoying my new role as "not so perfect" mom much more. My kids are happy, i'm happy, my husband is happy and that's all that matters.... who cares if the laundry doesn't get done or that I took my kids into school on teacher training day (better than not showing up right).
I'm also so happy that I have a few close friends who are always so quick to admit their imperfections. One who will very openly say "it's a thankless job" and when her teenage son acts up, what does she say? "I love him but I don't have to LIKE him do I?" .... yet, she's one of the best mothers I know (seriously).
We're all different yet as mothers we all love our children and would do anything for them. We don't need to prove it to the world, and the occcasional "I need a break, little Jimmy has been a nightmare today" doesn't do any harm, in fact it may help you feel less pressured or help another poor mom just starting out realize that it really is okay to throw the book out and wing it.
posted by Mila at 3:59 PM
NEW! 
6 Comments:
Great post Mila!!
I tore the "S" off of my chest about 4 years ago and I feel so much better. What a burdun that Darn "S" was.
I just recently signed Isaac (my 7yo) up for a math tutoring program and the tutor that I know said -- "Aurelia, your schedule allows you to tutor your own son, why don't you do it". Back in the day that comment would have made me feel inferior and like I NEEDED to do it all...but today I said "Because my time, ability and patience wont allow me to be an effective tutor to my son". It felt so freeing to admit that I couldn't do it all!!
Anyway, I can really relate to your post!
Thanks Aurelia, I love the way you handled that... I look up to you and your parenting style you know :-)
AMEN Mila!! Bye Bye Supermom!
Mila, Mila, Mila - thanks for this post. I know this is true in my head, yet I still want to have a decent looking house. It's just tough for me to let go of what others will think of my as a mom with stains in the carpet, forgetting to send a home lunch to school on field trip day, and having kids who's hair always looks unbrushed (even though I brushed it myself 30 minutes ago).
I mean, no one ever comes out and says anything and most know just how difficult it is to keep the house looking decent with 4 kids, but still...I wonder what they think or say when I'm not around.
I guess part of my knows I can do a better job, but I've been slacking recently. I really don't care if my house isn't perfect, but I should at least be doing my best right?
Well but your kids looks so happy Stacie and isn't that what matters. I still like a neat house and have to admit I get irritated if it's a mess but that's a personal choice and that's okay too. I have slacked a bit but then I know I can't do it all at this point so I have to pick and chose what takes priority.
It's about knowing that you don't HAVE to do it for anyone else other than you and your family. It's hard to have four kids... I have three so I KNOW four must be hard.
There is always so much to do and we have to cut back somewhere. BTW, do your girls help out in the house? My kids have chores and that helps a lot.
The clean house thing IS hard. I try to remember that a clean house is my personal agenda but it's not the kid's! LOL
It's kind of like "who owns the problem?" If I'm the one who is "bugged" then I own it, therefore it's my job to take care of it.
But I have 4 like you and yes it is so hard to keep the house looking nice!
My sister has 4 too and one day a friend came over to her home and asked her "When are you guys going to get some decent furniture?"
She looked at him and said "Oh, in about 18 years."
LOL!
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home