Is Your Praise Doing Them More Harm Than Good?

Carrie started a topic over at the forum about how praising your child in the wrong way could actually backfire. She posted an article there that shows exactly how it could happen.

Thomas, the boy in the article is very intelligent, but because of the fact that everyone has always told him he’s smart, he shows negative reaction to anything he doesn’t think he will be good at. Basically, he fears not being great at something and therefore, doesn’t want to do it.

I think praise should be specific to each specific situation. We don’t tell our kids they are bad just because they did one thing that was wrong, but instead we discipline them for each instance they have done something bad. It is more likely that we’ll tell our kids that they are smart because many of us don’t realize the damage it just might do in the long run. After all it is positive praise which we’ve always been told is good and loving, right?

Why is it that the labels we put on our children, most times without even realizing it, are only seen as damaging if they are for negative actions? Maybe we need to really think about what we are telling our children even when it’s good. Offer praise, but through all things they do, or in Thomas’ case the things they fear doing because of the possible negative reaction by others and the rejection they themselves may feel if they aren’t as good at them.

What do you think? Is praise always a good thing period or do you we need to watch what we tell our kids, even if it’s positive?