Communication Break Down

Last night was not a shining moment for me as a mom.

And it was all because of 2 things

- a break down in communication
- I didn't follow up

My daughter, who is 14, plays volleyball almost every night after school. Sometimes she needs to be picked up at 5, once in awhile at 7. When she needs to be picked up at 5 it's in town, at 7, it's at the school which is a town over.

My son usually picks her up but last night he went bowling so he asked me to do it.

Here is where things go wrong.

I had asked my daughter to write the details of her schedule on the white board we have as our communications center. It's exactly for the kind of event that happened last night - my son didn't pick her up - I did.

Unfortunately, I always have picked her up in town and totally forgot that sometimes she gets picked up at the school, it's almost always in town.

And it wasn't written on the board, this is what she wrote

Tues 3-5
Wed 5-7

That really doesn't give me much to go on if I don't have it ironed onto my brain that 7 is always at the school, which I didn't (partly because for other events it isn't school pick up, they are bused to our town for pick up, added to it, they are usually late so I didn't think anything of it when she didn't arrive on time)

So she ended up calling my mother in law who fortunately was at home.

But meantime she and her friend who was riding with her were left at the school alone. It gives me shivers to think about it, and not because it's winter, although as luck had it, it wasn't a cold night, thank goodness.

Had I checked the board to make sure that she had put all the details, (followed up) it never would have happened (and I know better because I have a hard time getting my kids to see the importance of it)

Had I thought to double check with my son where she needed to be picked up instead of assuming the "norm". (communication)

Had my cell phone been working (getting a new one today) (communication)

I mention this not only because it happened to me and I still am feeling nervous twitters inside not to mention completely stupid over the whole event, but because I see kids standing alone waiting for pick ups in the dark at night a lot.

My son goes snowboarding often on Thursday nights because it is cheaper. He drives now but when I used to pick him up, often there would be kids standing around the parking lot with a scared look on their faces wondering when their ride was coming. Sometimes I would wait around for awhile and they waited for a long time after the parking lot was empty.

One night in particular I remember a young teenage girl standing alone, and a little further down, a very young boy, maybe about 10. I'll never forget the big eyes trying to look casual.

Even 5 minutes might not seem much, but the thought of a child, mine or someone elses, standing alone in the dark in an isolated place waiting for a ride makes me nervous and sad.

The risk is too high and how does it make them feel.

My daughter was the most upset because she thought that her brother had left her there and gone bowling instead, or something like that. She was upset because she thought he didn't care.

It was nothing like that, he thought I knew where to get her. More assumptions.

Even the best laid plans can go wrong.

Better to think ahead and get it in writing. I know I will be!

It will help avoid feeling like an idiot, upsetting your kids or worse.

Another thing - I didn't have her friends cell phone number with me (ironically we had been just shopping for one for my daughter but she decided to return it because our reception is crappy so she didn't have it with her) From now on, I will be putting a small book with all friends cell numbers included in my glove compartment.