Do You Say "Best Friends" or Just Try to Be One?
"Best friend," has never been a regular phrase in my vocabulary. Even as a kid when every girl seemed to have a new best friend each and every week, I just tried to be a good friend to those who were special to me. I didn't feel the need to put a label on it back then and I still don't.
Now, I'm definitely not saying I'm a perfect friend. Not by a long shot as I definitely have my own quirks. I just think that the way we act is much more important than that "feel good" things we say in a relationship.
It's something I've been thinking about because I have a friend who has been throwing around the words a lot lately. Personally, I feel like it's just a way to "make it okay" that in the past year our relationship was put much lower on the priorities in her life. Still, when I was told in a few emotional moments "you're my best friend", I appreciated it and cut her some slack.
But today, those two words were used against me. I was told in anger, "but you're supposed to be my best friend."
What did I do to make her say that, you may ask? Well, that would be a terribly long story and you'd only get my side of it (but for the record, she was sooooo wrong and what I did - or more accurately...what I didn't do - she's been doing to me for a long time). Besides, it takes me away from the main point of what I wanted to ask you. :-)
Is "best friend" a regular part of your vocabulary and have you thought about how those words affect your relationship?
posted by Alice at 11:01 AM
NEW! 
5 Comments:
"Best friend" is not a regular word in my vocabulary. I feel the same as you...I will do my best to be a good/great friend. I do not feel that I need to label any relationship that I am in. My friends know that they are important to me and that I am there for them. Some of them will say that I am their "best friend," but they know how I am and do not get offended that I do not use the same words back at them. ;-)
I had a similar experience recently. My "best friend" was mad that I started dating a guy she had dated 10 years ago and she has since stopped talking to me.
She said a "best friend" would never do that. There's a lot more to it than that of course, but using the whole "best friend" tactic made me mad.
I have a lot of friends but I don't use the best friend card when it benefits me. I treat all my friends with the same respect and I care about them all equally.
To me, saying someone is your best friend is almost a selfish thing because you eventually expect some exclusivity out of that relationship.
For example, "best friends would never do that to each other" but normal friends would? Or, if you invite a normal friend to a concert instead of a best friend, that's just asking for a lynching. You HAVE to invite your best friend first.
I don't know if this makes any sense, but my whole point is that I agree Alice :)
This used to be a word that frequented my vocabulary but I was much younger then. Now I have a good many, "good" friends and so I say, "She is one of my good friends or she is one of my close friends instead." It is much too hard to determine which one of them is the "best" so I try not to use the term.
Hmmm I would not use that word for any of my friends as it would risk other friends feeling they were not as important! If anyone ever asks I tell them my husband, he is the closest friend I could possibly have!
It is also very risky to call a friend your "best friend" or act as if she is. This happened to me I had recently moved and found one of my good childhood friends here. We had a great friendship our kids were almost the same age, the only thing was that our husbands couldn't stand each other. We got together in the mornings and talked daily, lots of fun things. Then all of a sudden, she found new friends and was gone like that.
I still call her occasionally but she almost never calls back. I'm a kind of person that if I have a problem I intend to solve it logically, I even approached her to see if there was a problem. Every thing was fine she just found new friends.
This was hard on me mostly because I used to have lots of good friends back where lived and now I still have a few good friends but the relationships are not like the ones I had before.
So, yes I agree "Best friend" is not a phrase to use often.
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