Would You Send Your 9-Year Old Child on the New York Subway...Alone?
According to an MSNBC article, mother Lenore Skenazy is under fire for allowing her 9 year-old son to find his way from midtown Manhattan. She gave the boy a Metrocard, $20, a Subway map and sent him on his way. The boy made it home and has stated he was a willing participant in this experiment.This apparent lesson in independence might seem a bit odd, but I think it requires some thought. First of all, all kids are different. What this 9 year-old boy is ready for might be different than what your 9 year-old is ready for. Even within our own homes, we know that our kids are able to handle things at different ages.
I was listening to a radio program this morning where people were discussing this and one of the biggest questions was, "Did she give him a cell phone?"
She did not.
Is that outrageous?
You know what? I am sick of the paranoia that we've developed over the years and our reliance on technology to make us feel safe. When we were kids, our kids weren't afraid to let us out and get around...and we certainly didn't have cell phones. And look, we're still here today.
Some people say the world is a much more dangerous place today. Well, I challenge you to truly prove that. Abduction rates haven't spiked. Crime has gone up, often in relation to population. We are scared because the media tells us to be and we allow ourselves to be.
Others are horrified that this happened in New York. Let me tell you if this was done in Vancouver where transit is sparse and if you don't live on the main Skytrain line, you're bound to get lost as an ADULT - it would have been more dangerous.
Now, would I do the same as this woman? Not likely, but do we have the right to judge? Maybe we do because this woman happens to be a reporter who made this experiment part of a story she wrote....so she has given us the opportunity to judge.
Put your 2 cents below.
posted by Alice at 7:55 AM
NEW! 
12 Comments:
We've come a long way since my great grandmother was a preteen orphan in NYC, supporting her younger siblings...times have changed and we certainly hover more. Is this overprotection justified? I didn't let my nine year old ride around the block alone. Strangers, unfriendly dogs, a steep hill that they've toppled down more than once, blind curves where drivers speed...all in my town of 7000.
I can't imagine letting a child go in a city. There are just too many things that can go wrong.
Treece
I'm the first to admit that I am an overprotective mother. There is NO WAY, NO HOW I would ever let my child partake in this experiment.
I agree the kids need to become independent and not every 9 yr old would be able to do this task, but absolutely anything can happen. Simple accidents happen everywhere; what if he needed a doctor's care? Did he have any ID on him? A parent's phone number?
I don't always think the worst but this seems like an irresponsible thing to do.
Yeah anything could happen. That applies to any of us. I wonder if we were more self sufficient. When I was 9 or 10 we would walk a mile to the local strip mall to get candy, comic books etc. Don't remember anyone ever getting abducted, or killed, or hurt, save maybe the scraped elbow or knee.
Is it possible, and for the record, I don't have kids, that we are over protecting them. Are we more prepared because we were allowed to take risks and make decisions.
We were told not to talk to strangers, so we didn't. Look both ways before crossing the street - so we did.
Technology like cell phones is great, but NOTHING will ever replace good old common sense. And that is only developed through real life experiences.
While I personally would not do this because my kids are not city saavy, I think we probably don't have the whole story...did she practice with the child...is the child used to taking the subway with other people. If he has grown up there he probably is. If he lives in the city or outskirts, he's used to it and city kids are more aware than sheltered suburban or rural kids. Things can go wrong anywhere.
I agree Alice, the media has created this fear of everything with over-exposure of everything. Is the crime rate and abductions higher today...who knows because we didn't hear about them 20 years ago..doesn't mean they were not happening...there just wasn't the media coverage we have now. Most abductions take place right outside the home anyways. If we follow the media's lead we'll be wrapping our kids in bubble wrap and hiding them in our basements soon.
I have to speak as a former latch key kid and single mom. I have allowed my son to catch the bus home. Yes granted his school was only a 1/2 mile away but he did it alone everyday because of the time I had to be at work. He was 9 at the time and he was mentally prepared for the short trip.
However, I would never "experiment" with a child unless I was near him. And I have done that with AJ but like I said I was very close to him.
I don't think it was abuse or neglect. I just think this mom did not think very clearly in making the decision that she did.
I'm just not sure. I think we all try to find a balance between being overprotective and allowing our kids to have a life.
I remember taking my bike and riding around the neighborhood far from where my parents could see me. I wouldn't let my kids do that now. But, I do let them play outside unsupervised. It scares my mom to death that I let my 2 1/2 year old go up in the treehouse with her sibs without me.
And I despise these smothers who try to micromanage their kids at the playground. Just let the kid play for goodness sakes! You know the types... they hover around the slide correcting anyone who (gasp! the horror!) walks up the slide. And telling their kids to be careful every ten seconds.
I don't worry about abduction because it doesn't happen by strangers in enough numbers for it to be a rational fear. I do think about the kids I grew up with who were molested - it was almost always a Dad, StepDad, babysitter or someone else close to the family. THAT is the thing to be wary of, in my opinion. Who are we letting into our home?
And teaching kids not to talk to strangers is a bad idea. Whoever came up with that is an idiot. If a child is lost he has to be able to go up to someone - a stranger - to get help. I teach mine to approach another mommy. NOT a policeman (because they don't know the difference between a cop and a security guard, and plenty of serial killers have pretended to be security guards!).
As Barbara said probly alot of the answer to this remains in the things we do not know about the specifics of the case. One being was he very familiar with the city environment because he may live there and therefore know alot about his surroundings? Probly not the thing to do with a transplanted 9 year old rural boy though. Also how adaptable is his personality and it looks like he is a smart young boy. Another factor is did she have him do this during the day and if so I believe that Subway system is relatively safe with many adult travelers at that time. Night time is more of the problem. Another unknown factor is how far did he have to travel to get home? I also agree with most of what Carrie said and it seems like common sense should prevail and not an irrational paranoid hysteria about abductions and crime. Alice thanks for that Vancouver Radio Station link in this article, it's stellar and I played it all day.
I remember being 11 and taking public transit home from school in San Francisco- sans a cel phone and pager- they weren't around then. But that was also 22 years ago- and I was taking the bus about a mile and a half to my house in a neighborhood that was by the beach - but would I let my kids do that today? NO WAY! My 10 year old on the subway in NY WITHOUT A PHONE? UH UH!
This is the perfect example of the breakdown of the American Family- where parents are working so much towards material gain, they forget to be PARENTS! Kids don't care how much money you have- they just want your time and acceptance.
Some parents are so wrapped up in pursuing their careers they forget what is most important- THEIR KIDS! And then, when their kids get hurt-snatched-turn into Columbine murderers- then they wonder "where did I go wrong?"
Come on people!
Put your kids in after school care not on the freaking subway!
707Mia although you might be right in your assessment of some of today's parents, this occurrence had nothing to do with this woman not having time for her child. It was an experiment that he wanted to take part in.
If our families allowed us that freedom when we have kids, how is it that if we parents give that freedom now, it's a "breakdown of the American family"?
Debbie - you're welcome. It's a good station!
"I remember being 11 and taking public transit home from school in San Francisco- sans a cel phone and pager- they weren't around then. But that was also 22 years ago..."
And twenty-two years ago, our country was much, much more dangerous according to the actual crime data. You wouldn't know it from the hysteria, but a child using public transport today is probably safer than he has been in decades...
I've only been a mom for six months, so take my comments with a grain of salt. But I personally would never have done what this woman did. There are enough accidental dangers out there that I don't think as parents we should create new ones. A parent's job is to teach responsibility and self-reliance...I agree with that. But a parent's job is also to protect their children. And in this day and age, which I don't think anyone will deny is different from when most of us grew up, a healthy amount of skepticism about strangers is called for.
I grew up in a rural suburb in Minnesota and when I was young, about 10 years old or so, I was walking in my neighborhood with my 7 year old sister. Two men approached us in a truck and basically tried to lure us to the truck. We walked up a neighbor's driveway pretending it was our house and they boxed us in (it was a driveway that cut through heavy woods). We panicked and I told her to run and we cut through and around to the next neighbor's house and luckily she was home and she drove us back to our house. It was one of the most frightening experiences of my life. This was a nice rural suburb, so if something can happen there, it can happen anywhere. The counter-argument, that a more populated city might be safer because people would be less likely to victimize a child in front of others isn't valid in my opinion. People who want to victimize a child will do it anywhere in front of anybody. Public libraries, water parks, anywhere. I just think that to try to make a point or statement for a story at the expense of your child is neglectful. Sure, she can tell the story now because it all worked out, but what if it hadn't?
I think giving children independence is done is stages. At 9, I think you are, no matter your intelligence or maturity, too young to be left alone to fend for yourself in the city. Even at 13 or 14 I wouldn't let my child do that.
Jen
And in this day and age, which I don't think anyone will deny is different from when most of us grew up...
One of the points Lenore Skenazy makes very clearly is that in terms of crime, New York City is very much like when we grew up, maybe even safer.
On Manhattan Island, most people don't drive. Kids walk and ride public transportation to school. The son probably has been riding the subways with mom all his life. He had been asking (nagging) for a solo run for quite some time.
Anyone reading the original article can see that Skenazy (a) judged her son was ready for a limited trip - a few stops on one subway line and a few blocks on a bus - and (b) set him up to succeed. Think about what the $20 she gave him might be for.
It comes down to the individual child, but really, where this family lives, it's only a question of when the child rides alone.
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