How Do You Know When You're Done?
Having kids I mean....how do you know when you're done? My husband and I have been blessed with being able to have our children with little medical issues. We've never made our decision on whether or not to add another based on our financial situation either. Since we don't have health or financial reasons to help us make the decision to me "done" how am I going to know when I'm done? Do you really feel done when you're done?
The thing is, I've felt "done" before. After I had my son, I really thought that was it. I felt complete, I felt done, I felt like never going through the whole labor and delivery thing again, I felt too worried about not making to the hospital the next time to even consider trying for a "next time." And yet, here I am, 3 1/2 years later with one more child wondering when I'll be done.
I've always said 2 or 4 kids, but obviously I'm beyond that now, I have 5. Of course, almost everyone I see asks me if I'm done and I have no clue. I guess the thing that's adding to it is a career issue. I have the chance to become the head coach of the softball team I assist with now, not next season, but the season after that. I know how hard it is to commit time and give my all when I have an infant. I don't want to short change the players, but to be honest, if that was not part of the equation, I may already be trying for another. So I'm torn.
My husband and my children want more. They also want me to take the head coaching job if it is offered to me. I don't like committing to something like that if I can't give my all and I am so limited to what I have to offer when I'm toting around a baby.
It's funny though....now that I've written this all out, the slight inconvenience of having an infant during ONE softball season no longer seems to outweigh what we want/may want as a family. Hmmmm....we'll see what happens I guess.
If you're done, how did you know you were done?
If you're not done, how will you decide when you are?
The thing is, I've felt "done" before. After I had my son, I really thought that was it. I felt complete, I felt done, I felt like never going through the whole labor and delivery thing again, I felt too worried about not making to the hospital the next time to even consider trying for a "next time." And yet, here I am, 3 1/2 years later with one more child wondering when I'll be done.
I've always said 2 or 4 kids, but obviously I'm beyond that now, I have 5. Of course, almost everyone I see asks me if I'm done and I have no clue. I guess the thing that's adding to it is a career issue. I have the chance to become the head coach of the softball team I assist with now, not next season, but the season after that. I know how hard it is to commit time and give my all when I have an infant. I don't want to short change the players, but to be honest, if that was not part of the equation, I may already be trying for another. So I'm torn.
My husband and my children want more. They also want me to take the head coaching job if it is offered to me. I don't like committing to something like that if I can't give my all and I am so limited to what I have to offer when I'm toting around a baby.
It's funny though....now that I've written this all out, the slight inconvenience of having an infant during ONE softball season no longer seems to outweigh what we want/may want as a family. Hmmmm....we'll see what happens I guess.
If you're done, how did you know you were done?
If you're not done, how will you decide when you are?
posted by Stacie at 6:39 PM
NEW! 
9 Comments:
we were done after our 2nd baby, then our 3rd baby, then our 4th....and now our 5th is 14 months old and I'm starting to get clucky again but I'm not sure if we're going to have another child.
DH says that he would have as many children as I want to have. But financially I don't think we should do it.
But you never know what will happen in the future. Never say never!
I think when you come to an understanding of your own limitations - physically (your energy levels/health etc), financially, emotionally... and a LOT of it has to do with the quality of the relationship with the kid's Father.
I was done after my boys because of issues in the relationship. The girls were happy accidents. Of course I'm glad I have them now, but I was sad when I knew I was pregnant with both - hysterical with tears even. I didn't want to bring another life into such an unhappy relationship.
But what's done is done. If I ever get remarried, I don't want any more kids because I need to focus my attention on the 4 I have now. But if I was happily paired up still I don't know if I could say I was done. I love large families.
Not near done, but then again I only have one child. But my husband and I always go back and forth on whether we want two or three kids in total. I want three, he wants two. He always cites the practical issues like finances and the amount of time we have to spend in those baby years. I'll be 35 this year so we need to really think about how many we want and make sure that if we do want three, that we have enough time to have them and still have a bit of space between them.
I've often wondered how people know they're "done" too....great question Stacie! I guess I assumed that when I hit that magic number of 3 kids that I would just be DONE, but I can see how even if you logistically think you'll have a certain number that your heart might think otherwise.
Maybe when I'm 40 with three kids and the last one finally out of diapers I'll be thinking, "Thank goodness we're done with that!" :)
Since you're a softball player and from your comments, I'm guessing you don't want to stop until you have your own softball team. :-)
We have two and a son who passed away last fall so it's made me not sure. After our son, like literally the moment he was born, I was done. I loved being pregnant and was lucky to not have medical issues, but it just felt right. Then we got pregnant while on birth control and it's spun us for a loop! After our son died we went from no we don't want any more to absolutely yes more. Even today I'm wishy washy.
But our kids will be 7 and 5 in a couple of months and I think if we are going to have more, we need to do so now. I like the 2 year difference and really don't want a big huge gap. I'm just going to be 30 so we have time.
Both of my brothers have five (or will, SIL is pregnant now) so we laugh and say between us we have enough for a basketball team, subs and even a couple cheerleaders!
I say have more! ;) I'm pregnant with number three and we say we're done now, but we said that with the first two...I can't say for sure right now.
Congrats Nell! Fill up that house. ;-)
I'm wishy washy about this as well. With 3 and the youngest already going on 4 years old. I don't feel like going to back to changing diapers again and in one more year I'll have all in school - quiet finally! LOL sounds bad. Those things just make me want to wash my hands.
On the other hand I do harbor a twinge of envy for those who have boys and girls. Because I have all girls this question is always at the back of my mind. Should I try for a boy or just forget it. Knowing our history we'd probably end up with yet another girl so why bother?
Yet... I'm the type who's not satisfied until I've tried everything. We already have a huge family so going from 3 to 4 is not a big problem I think. But hubs is many years my senior. It bothered him when we had our first I know his age is in the back of his mind always. So... answer is, I dunno.
I think I'm done. But, que sera sera.
Tina: your comment made me laugh
Alice: you're not the first person that's told me that LOL
Lynette: I know how you feel about the HIGH likelihood of having another girl. As you know, I had 3 girls, my son, then now another daughter. If we do go for more, I'm already expecting the baby will be a girl. Funny thing is, I actually would WANT another girl because all my girls (except the 7 month old I have now) have sisters within 3 years of them. I kind of want that for the baby - gosh I can't even believe I'm thinking of it. LOL
Tsoniki: I lost one between my son and my youngest daughter. Like I said before, I was DONE after my son. Then I also got pg while on birth control and lost that one and I went from no, no, no to Yes! I definitely want more which is why we have our youngest daughter.
Nell: congratulations!!!!!!
As of today, I'm still undecided - the more people I talk to who know me, the more I'm finding out that just about EVERYONE is taking it as a "given" that I will have more. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
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